Dating Tips


9 Bad Habits That Might Be Keeping You Single


Happy African American Couple.jpg

Habits are often subconscious. They become so ingrained in our lifestyle that we no longer recognize them as outside the norm. But when you are trying to connect your life to another’s, habits can become barriers.

Below are nine habits that may be adversely impacting your dating success.

Being Late

By being tardy, you’re indicating your date’s time is less valuable than your own. Not the best message to send.

The fix: Plan your schedule to arrive at your date a half-hour early, giving yourself plenty of grace-time. Better you wait than be late.

Talking About a Past Relationship

If you feel compelled to talk about your ex ad nauseum, you’re probably not ready to date someone new.

The fix: Don’t use a new person to get over an old person. If you’re ready to date, you’re ready to make new memories, not obsess over old ones.

Living with Your Parents

I know there’s free food and your mom does your laundry… BUT, most grown-ups want to date another grown-up. And chowing down on mom’s mac & cheese ain’t gonna cut it.

The fix: Black singles should establish a six-month action plan for getting out on your own. Potential partners will admire the change you’re trying to make, rather than judging you too harshly.

Being Boring

Talking endlessly about sports (for the gents) or celeb gossip (for the ladies) can be a real turn-off for a potential partner. Try to interpret the feedback loop correctly – is this really something he or she is interested in? Are they engaged, or is their attention focused on the plasma screen behind you?

The fix: Ask questions and don’t constantly shoehorn your interests into conversation. Make sure your date knows he or she has your attention.

Not Paying / Not Offering to Pay

I’m aware there’s been a women’s movement, but it’s still a good idea for men to pick up the check on date #1. The woman, likewise, is supposed to offer to pay – but guys, don’t be fooled; you should still pick up the tab.

The fix: Guys, err on the side of caution—unless she’s adamant. Then splitting the bill may be your best option.

Drinking Too Much

One or two drinks can loosen the evening up a bit. More than that, however, and you’re in danger of “Leaving Las Vegas.” Most daters aren’t in the market for a drunk. Just sayin’.

The fix: Order non-alcoholic drinks in between your cocktails. This should pace you while still allowing you a modest buzz.


Complaining about work, friends, family and the like does nothing except convince your date that soon you’ll be complaining about them. It’s hard to appear attractive while tearing down something or someone else.

The fix: Remember if you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all. Avoid negatives in general and focus on good experiences.

Being Rude to Servers

The true measure of a person is how they treat those they’re “allowed” to treat badly. Whereas you have to be nice to your boss, there is no such mandate toward a waiter or waitress.

The fix: Be courteous to everyone.

Staring at Other Women / Men

Even if your date isn’t going well, there’s no excuse for checking out others. While it can be a hard habit to break, you owe the person you’re with undivided (if temporary) attention.

The fix: Keep your eyes on the prize – in this case, your date.

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