Multi Dating for Black Women
Here's a question unmarried people rarely ask: what is my dating purpose? Whether searching for a new boyfriend, Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, your desired dating outcome should affect the timing and frequency of your dates. No judgments here. Date as often as you like and as many people as you like. If you decide to date more than one person at a time, you'll need to know how to do it successfully without stringing anyone along or intentionally hurting anyone's feelings. So, as you journey forward to feast on various date night desserts, here are a few things to keep in mind.
If you're dating online, chances are pretty good that you've browsed more than one person's profile. You've sent emails to some folks who won't bother to email you back. You've compared prospective partner's pictures to determine which appears more physically and emotionally attractive. Remember, for all intents and purposes, the people you come across online are strangers. Even if you've spoken on the phone or met in person, you only know what they've revealed to you. The information could be fact or fiction. The same holds true for offline dates. While you determine which person is the best fit for you, stay commitment free and spend time getting to know your partners.
Stop Playing With Others' Emotions.
While the possibility of dating a different person throughout the week may sound appealing, it's important to be fair to the lips on the other side of each of your kisses. Don't lie, trick or deceive your playthings. If anyone asks you if you're multidating, be honest. Say that you're dating around until you find the right match. If you get the impression that one of your companions wants to get very serious or date exclusively and you don't want to, cut them off. It's cruel to string your dates along for your own personal pleasure.
Know When to Shut Up.
Unless you're legally bound to another person via marriage, it's not necessary to reveal your dating status during a first date. For better or worse, there's such a thing a Too Much Information. Discuss your commitments, engagements and evening plans on a need-to-know basis. Do you have an uptown dinner date on Thursday and downtown movie plans on Friday? As a good rule of thumb, ask yourself, "If I were on the other side of this equation, would I need to know about my partner's other dates?" If the answer is yes, by all means divulge. If the answer is no, keep quiet.
Get to Know Your Partners.
It's easy to participate in shallow relationships with no substantial connections. Ask your partners about their dreams, wishes and desires. With time, you may discover you share more connections with one of the dates more than the others. As you deepen your bonds with fewer people, relationships that don't suit you well might fall by the wayside.
The golden rule still holds true. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The only way to determine if you and your liaisons are happy with the dating arrangement is to ask. No one likes unexpected drama. Keep neurosis at bay by communicating openly and honestly about your intents in your relationships. Expect your paramours to do the same.
By Twanna A. Hines of FunkyBrownChick.com for BlackPeopleMeet.com
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