The Racy Racial Divide: Can Your Love Conquer All?

Seal and Heidi Klum, Iman and David Bowie, Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel, Elin Nordigren and Tiger Woods. Aside from being celebrities have one thing in common --- they found love outside of their race. Interracial love is seen more today than ever before and "Could Mr. Right be Mr. White" is a hot topic amongst sisters looking for love. In the movie Something New, the writer used the interracial relationship between Kenya and Brian to encourage black women to look outside the box if they want to find love.

In the movie, Kenya, a professional, well educated, attractive sister played by Sanaa Lathan wanted to marry her IBM (Ideal Black Man) but ended up falling for and marrying a white man. Her girlfriends encouraged her to let go (of her list) and let flow (be open to the possibilities within her race and outside of her race.) Kenya had to let go of the idealized images in her head to find love.

According to the Census, there are 11.2 million single Black men over the age of 18 and 13.9 million single black women over the age of 18. If you do the math, 2.7 million black women will be out of luck if they want to marry a black man.

Kenya didn't intentionally look for love outside of her race; it fell into her lap through an introduction from a co-worker. Unfortunately, I've been on the receiving end of conversations from Black men who no longer date black women because according to them, black women are too strong, too bossy, too demanding and they bring too much drama to the table. I've also heard black women say that they are crossing over to the other side because black men play too many games, are constantly shopping around for a better deal and won't commit. It seems there are so many more interracial couples that when I do see a black on black couple I should stop and snap a picture. It's been said that gaps in education, high unemployment and incarceration rates among black men have created a dating dilemma for many black women who are hitting home runs in their careers but striking out in love.

Fleace Weaver, author of the book and leader of the seminar "Free Your Mind: The Black Girl's Guide to Interracial Dating" is a black woman who dates men of all colors and wants more black women to do the same. "I got the idea for the seminar after noticing that many of my black friends had it all — a career, house, independence — but no man." "I am an international lover. All right; I am an equal opportunity lover," Weaver says. "That means I love who is good to me. I don't want anybody just because they're a certain color."

While color can play a key role in relationships, dating and marrying within your race does not necessaily guarantee a lasting love. Being equally yoked is what provides the best chance for a lasting love. My client Nicole agrees; "Its not about skin color; its about what's underneath the skin. Color has nothing to do with compatibility. If two people come together with a similar vision, life purpose and goals for living, and connect in the areas that are non-negotiable, a healthy and successful relationship is quite possible. Being equally yoked in those key areas is what made me say yes to my non-black husband. We've been happily married for the last five years and we're looking forward to many more."

Whether you date within your race or outside of your race, remember this, "The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is green where it's watered."

By Yvonne Chase for


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